Preparing for holidays when you’re a caregiver

Holidays—whichever you celebrate—can be wonderful occasions. Whether small or large, gatherings of friends and family may include longstanding traditions or some you’re just starting to create.

Yet holidays can put pressure on all of us to be happy and festive—even when we may not feel that way. Celebrations can be difficult when someone close to you is struggling with serious health issues. And even at the easiest of times, holiday preparations can feel very overwhelming.

If you’re a caregiver and already feeling like you’re operating at or beyond your maximum capacity, you may want to think ahead about what you can reasonably do during the holidays. Doing the usual shopping, decorating, cooking, and socializing may be too much. And trying to do it all could make you feel anxious, resentful, angry, sad, or stressed—and let’s not forget worn out and overextended.

Ways to lessen your holiday burden

Try some of these ideas to help you manage—and even thrive—during this holiday season.

Plan ahead

If you can, start your planning earlier than usual. Decide what decorations to hang, who you’ll get gifts for, what you’ll cook, and what annual parties you’ll either host or attend. It’s often easier to make these choices early, before everyone around you is pressed for time, harried, and full of expectations.

Think about safety

If you’ll be hosting a party, take a look at your home with your loved one in mind. Remove items that could be tripping hazards, such as cords or loose rugs. Make sure there’s an unobstructed path to the bathroom and adequate lighting. If your loved one is traveling to your home, think about the easiest path for them to get from a car into the house. And make sure that path is well lit and clear of snow and ice.

Include everyone

Even if your loved one is dealing with physical or cognitive limitations, try to make them feel like an essential part of holiday preparations and celebrations. Encourage them to share stories of the past or to take on small, manageable tasks to help with preparing for the holiday.

Take care of yourself

Try to get plenty of sleep every night. It’s ok to say no to some events or leave a party early if it means you’ll be well-rested. And don’t lose sight of healthy eating and drinking habits. Enjoying some special side dishes or desserts is fine—just remember that moderation is best. Keeping up with your daily walks or weekly exercise routine is also important. And if you’re feeling depressed, contact your primary care provider or mental health provider for help.

Accept help

Many hands often make light work—especially when it comes to holiday preparations. No one’s expecting you to do it all, so when someone offers to help, take them up on it.

Prioritize and modify

Talk with family members and decide on the things that are most important. Make changes to traditions that are hard to keep up with right now—or leave them aside temporarily. For example:

• If it’s too difficult for your loved one to travel, have a smaller celebration where they live.
• Buy desserts or side dishes instead of making them.
• Cut back on the number of people you buy gifts for—or reduce your shopping trips by getting gift cards or ordering online. Have someone help you with wrapping.
• If you usually bake 12 kinds of cookies, cut back to 2 or 3. Or skip baking and order from a bakery instead.
• If you normally go out for New Year’s Eve, but can’t leave your loved one alone, consider having a few people over. Together you can enjoy dinner, movies, or games that your loved one can participate in or enjoy observing.

Present change in a positive way

Preparing a traditional family meal is something your loved one may have enjoyed but is no longer able to do. You could suggest they share their recipes with guests, who would prepare and bring those dishes to the holiday gathering. It’s a nice way of handing down traditions to the next generation while giving your loved one a chance to continue to be involved and feel a sense of control.

Avoid the compare and despair trap

Holiday celebrations can change from year to year for any number of reasons. Try not to compare any unfavorably. Instead, accept that change can be hard and is often accompanied by some sadness. This is normal. Honor the emotion and embrace the opportunity to spend time with your loved ones and to celebrate in each other’s presence.

Let go of expectations—and encourage others to do the same

Try to stay in the moment and be realistic. Yes, asking for help can be difficult, but it’s so important during the holidays, when to-do lists are long and time is short to get things done. Working together and being flexible can make the holiday season more manageable and enjoyable for all. 

Originally posted: October 2018
Last updated: October 2025

More...