You want to be there for your loved one. But sometimes the physical distance between you can seem like yet another hurdle to deal with.

Long-distance caregiving can mean “out of state” or “across the country.” But even being an hour away can make it difficult to help in person on a regular basis.

Whether you are getting started as a new (or soon-to-be) caregiver or want to rethink your current caregiving strategy, here are 5 things that can help you make long-distance caregiving more manageable for you, while providing the care your loved one needs.

1. Discuss your loved one’s wishes

There is a difference between knowing your loved one’s health issues and understanding their care wishes. Talking about this can help make expectations clear for everyone.

During your conversation:

• Help your loved one make a wish list. You may not be able to accommodate everything on the list, but having these requests in mind will help you make the best possible decisions about your loved one’s health and situation.


• Define goals for your role as caregiver. Ask your loved one directly what they would like from you as a caregiver. In addition, talk about what isn’t being done now that you can help with. This is also a good time to find out what their preferences are for making decisions. What type of decisions are they ok with having you make on their behalf? When would they prefer to have the final say?


• Discuss long-range wishes. For older adults with serious health conditions, conversations about what to do in the event of a health emergency can be difficult. But having talks like these can help ensure they have a say in their care at a time when they may not be able to voice their preferences.
  That’s why it’s important to plan for the possibility that your loved one may not be able to make their own decisions (called advance care planning). Take the necessary legal steps to protect them as well as family members and financial assets involved in the situation.

Even with this plan, be prepared to encounter resistance. It’s important to think about what to do if your loved one doesn’t want your plans or help.

2. Stay connected. Often.

Keeping in touch is the most important thing you can do as a long-distance caregiver. These days, staying in touch is easier than ever because of texting, email, phone, and video. 

Video can be extra helpful. Because seeing your loved one allows you to see any issues that aren't expressed over the phone.

No matter how to stay in touch, be sure to make time to catch up and have fun in addition to talking about your loved one’s health.

3. Communicate with medical professionals

If you’re coordinating medical care for your loved one, they'll need to fill out a Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) release form. Without a HIPAA release, health care providers can’t share medical information with you.

Developing trust with your loved one’s health care providers is essential. Talk with their primary care provider or care team early on to go over a plan of care. If a HIPAA release form has been completed, discuss the ways you can access your loved one’s medical information remotely with the care team. 

When your loved one has an initial health assessment, be there to gather as much information and resources as you can. If you can’t be there in person, arrange to speak with those who will perform the assessment—both beforehand to field any questions, and afterward, to follow-up and clarify any questions you, your loved one or the assessor may have.

This health assessment can also give you a point of contact (or several) for regular discussions about your loved one’s health issues. Also, be sure to:

• Set up regular calls with health care providers to check in, so you’re informed of any health status changes. Ask if you can be included in any telehealth visits your loved one may have.


• Spend time educating yourself about your loved one’s medical history.


• Create a medication list to share with the care team.


• Ask your loved one’s doctors and pharmacists questions about medical condition(s) and prescription medications.


• Ask your loved one’s care team if there is anything else you can do to help from a distance.

4. When you visit, be present.

When you’re visiting, it can be tempting to spend the entire time planning, making appointments, and checking your phone to make sure your work and home life stay under control. Because the time you spend with your loved one is limited, making sure you have quality time with them is important—to both of you.

Try to reduce as many distractions as possible, or schedule specific times to deal with them. This will help you focus on your loved one while staying engaged with other aspects of your life. 

Of course, there may be business needs for your loved one that need attention, such as helping to pay bills, taking care of small tasks around the house, and running errands. Planning in advance can help. Talk to your loved one (and anyone local who’s helping out) to identify any tasks you can do before or after your visit. 

Be sure to plan something that you and your loved one can enjoy doing together. Watch a favorite movie, play cards, or go through old pictures. Help with a craft project or cooking a family recipe. If your loved one’s physical or cognitive condition has changed, you may need to adapt the activities you do together. 

As a caregiver, you put in countless hours striving to improve your loved one’s life. At times, your role will be tough. Both of you deserve to reap the rewards of this relationship. There is no greater benefit than the two of you making more cherished memories along the way. Those memories will help you overcome many of the stressful hurdles you will encounter.

5. Build a network of contacts near your loved one

Does your loved one have neighbors or local relatives you both trust? If so, ask them if they’d be willing to be a resource.

Having someone who lives near your loved one can help you both. They can provide social opportunities for your loved one by dropping in to say hello. And they can communicate with you about any changes in health they notice—no matter how minor—to help you identify potential problems before they become major health challenges.

Before you approach any nearby neighbors or relatives, make sure your loved on is comfortable with having them do whatever task you'll ask them about.

Bonus tip: Plan for the unexpected 

Accidents and emergencies happen, and when they do it’s helpful to be prepared. If you need to get to your loved one quickly, having a plan in place for yourself will help you do that. Here’s how you can be ready to respond.

• Turn to your own support system. Make plans for child or pet care with people you trust, and make sure everyone involved has access to schedules and each other. At work, make sure you’re familiar with time off and family leave policies. If you’re able to work remotely, talk to your manager about whether you’ll be able to work and how much.


• Have a bag already packed with essentials, such as toiletries, medications, and a change of clothing. Or keep some of these in your loved one’s home. Either option means you’ll be able to travel quickly and lightly. 


• Know your travel options. If you’ll need to book a flight, contact airlines by phone to see if medical emergency fares are offered; if they are, ask about availability and how to book them. Learn ahead of time which rental car companies are available in your loved one's area.


• Have a list of potential accommodations. If you can’t stay at your loved one’s home, know what the nearby hotels (and their fees) are. If you have an Airbnb account, you’ll have access to listings with an instant booking option. This option allows you to book immediately without having to send a request for an approval first. Check with the site’s Help Center for information.

Michelle Malkoski is Director of Quality and Risk for Fallon Health’s Program of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly (PACE) - Summit ElderCare.

Originally posted: February 2019
Last updated: January 2024

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Assistance/support  Coordinating care  Planning  Relationships