Memory Cafés provide social time without worries about memory problems

By Beth Soltzberg

Caring for someone who has Alzheimer’s disease or other type of dementia can be lonely. The responsibilities and time commitment make it challenging to get out and do things you’ve enjoyed in the past. 

What’s more, friends, family, and acquaintances often don’t understand dementia. As a result, they may be judgmental about your family member’s behavior or your care decisions. Some may simply stop calling and visiting. 

Others are afraid of how dementia changes people, because the symptoms can be upsetting or alarming. Also, many people aren’t sure how to communicate with someone who has memory or behavioral issues. That can make caregivers feel even more isolated. Taking part in a Memory Café can help.

A way to connect

A Memory Café is a welcoming place for people experiencing dementia and their families, friends, and professional caregivers. It’s an opportunity to connect with others who understand the impact that dementia can have and to enjoy informal social time for an hour and a half or so.

Most Memory Cafés are:

• Held once a month, although some are held weekly
• Located in convenient places like libraries, community centers, restaurants, and Councils on Aging—as well as online or by phone  
• Free of charge, although donations are accepted

The first Memory Café was created by a Dutch psychiatrist in 1997. Today, there are Memory Cafés across the U.S., with nearly 100 in Massachusetts (find one near you). 

If you can’t find a Memory Café nearby, you may consider contacting a local organization to suggest they start one. A free Memory Café Toolkit is available in English or in Spanish through Jewish Family & Children’s Service (JF&CS), which is headquartered in Waltham, Mass.

Visiting a Memory Café

When you arrive at a Memory Café, there’s usually some unstructured social time at the beginning. Staff or volunteers provide name tags to make introductions easy, and you can enjoy a cup of coffee and refreshments while visiting with other guests.

Then you and your loved one can both take part in an activity, like singing or yoga, led by Memory Café staff or a guest facilitator. No experience is necessary for the activities—the goal is to have fun together. You can expect plenty of smiles and laughter. 

Each Memory Café is different, depending on its location and the people who attend. And like your favorite recipes, Memory Cafés have “special ingredients.”

One ingredient is that guests aren’t asked about their diagnoses and don’t have to identify themselves as a person living with dementia or as a caregiver. This way, Memory Cafés are welcoming places for people who have symptoms but not a diagnosis and for those who feel uncomfortable talking about their diagnoses.

Another ingredient is that Memory Cafés are designed to be fun for caregivers, too. The opportunity to meet other caregivers—and feel the camaraderie of being with people in similar situations—can be enjoyable and encouraging.

Memory Cafés also take on the “flavor” of their local community. For example, there are Spanish-speaking Memory Cafés in Boston, Lawrence, and Worcester.

Words from Café participants

What a Memory Café is all about is best expressed by the people who attend. I met one Memory Café guest living with dementia, and she had strong words of praise for the experience of participating.

“I love to know that this is not an end for me,” she said. “It’s the beginning of a different lifestyle.”

Another guest I talked with attends a Memory Café with her husband, who has younger onset Alzheimer’s disease.

“The Café truly is a ‘reset’ button for him—no matter how his day starts, once we arrive he becomes calm and engaged,” she said.

Best of all, she added, is the fact that “we’ve made friends.”

There are new beginnings and new friends waiting for you. Please visit the statewide Memory Café directory to find a Memory Café near you. New Cafés are being developed all the time, and you can attend as many as you want. 

Guest blogger Beth Soltzberg, MBA, MSW, LCSW, directs the Alzheimer’s/Related Disorders Family Support program at JF&CS. In addition to facilitating the JF&CS Memory Café and Balancing Act group in Waltham, Beth coordinates the Percolator Memory Café Network, a resource for those starting and sustaining memory cafés across Massachusetts and nationally. Beth also co-coordinates the Dementia Friendly Massachusetts Initiative, where she is an active member of an Access, Equity & Cultural Inclusion working group. For more information about Memory Cafés, contact her at bsoltzberg@jfcsboston.org.

Originally posted: February 2018
Last updated: June 2024